Oakley and I have been together about four months now (in case you were wondering, I have been writing these posts about the past, not present situations. So when you see me jump between tenses, just know that is why). It's been enough time that I feel like we have both found our footing and understand one another and have formed a good bond, but I am here to tell you, that does NOT come immediately. Maybe for you it did and that's great, but this is for those who find themselves thinking "what the f*ck did I just get myself into" because that is what I felt at times.
I have what I would like to affectionately call ~a cocktail of mental health diagnoses~ which means that anxiety and I are very well acquainted. The day that I brought Oakley home I broke down crying after a couple hours because I was overwhelmed with everything I didn't know and the fact that when I looked at her I thought, "bro, you're literally a stranger." There were two things that made me feel better after that: a deep-dive on the internet to find out if these feelings were normal (they are) and the fact that through my sobs, Oakley came up on the couch and rested her head near mine. I'm sure she was just as overwhelmed as I was (if not more), but she still came and sat next to me. As time went on, I felt more comfortable and confident in my ability to do this. I would have never adopted her if I felt that I wasn't ready, my brain just had to catch up with what my heart knew was right. Also, I would like to point out that I have the same reaction over any change that comes in my life, this was not exclusive to Oakley. I would have had the same reaction if I had gotten a fish, a new chair, or painted the wall.
My brain just had to catch up with what my heart knew was right.
Now to address the title of this post, I wanted to talk about all the things that no one tells you about raising a dog. Before Oakley, I only had experience with family dogs. My family and I got our first dog when I was nine and while I thought I had a good idea of what it took to raise a dog, let me tell you, I was wrong. There were SO many things that came up with Oakley that made me wonder why no one tells you about these things when you say you will be getting a dog. Do they just forget to mention it? Is there some sort of pact that everyone has to NOT tell people these things? Do they tell us and we brush it off because we think it will be different for us? Despite all my hours of research and preparation to welcome a dog into my life, I was unprepared for the simplest of things.
First thing's first, I was shocked to discover that dogs don't just walk naturally on a leash. When I went to adopt Oakley, they told me that she wasn't leash trained and I guess I just thought that meant she would pull on the leash. "Easy enough," I thought as I remembered how every dog I have ever walked has pulled on the leash. Imagine my surprise when they handed me Oakley's leash and I started to walk and Oakley froze. You would have thought that I hit pause on a movie. She was not having it and refused to move unless it was on her terms. Fun fact: after I had walked her for a bit they said she was showing a huge improvement. I was flabbergasted because I obviously saw behavior that was starkly different from what I was used to and I had to carry her to the car because she simply would not move more than three feet at a time.
You might think that the next thing that shocked me was potty-training, but she actually picked that up pretty quickly. What I wasn't prepared for was the beast that is crate-training. This is something that I had never personally encountered because the dogs I knew were either A. already crate-trained or B. my family dog who just slept in our laundry room and didn't use one. In the first couple of weeks of crate-training, Oakley cried every night and so did I. Call it a bonding exercise. To be honest with you, I think my brain has categorized this as a traumatic-experience and refuses to recall many details, but what I do remember is constantly texting my partner and my friends "help, how tf do I do this." After a lot of positive reinforcement training and a Pavlov-type move with Bear in the Big Blue House, I can confidently say that Oakley now loves her kennel and will happily put herself to bed at the end of the night.
Oakley cried every night and so did I. Call it a bonding exercise.
My hope in sharing these stories is that people in my situation find comfort in knowing that raising a dog is not all daisies and rainbows, Instagram-perfect pictures. It's panic-texting the vet after your dog swallows a scrunchie, it's your dog wriggling and mouthing on your arm while you try to get gum out of their hair and it's the first time your dog lays their head on your chest while cuddling, it's watching them experience the world, it's getting to wake up to their wagging tail every morning. It can be joyous and overwhelming. One doesn't cancel out the other. Enjoy every moment you have with your pup, I think we all know that we don't get nearly enough of them. To those of you going through the "what the f*ck was I thinking" phase, you are doing an incredible job and soon you will also have your own stories to share.
Until next time,
Amaya